I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
