My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
