There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
