I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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