You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
