Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
