Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
