I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
