I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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