bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
