I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize