We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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