By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
