and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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