i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I need water and some morals
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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