nut hugger
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Your tits are I can't wait for
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
