I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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