I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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