she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize