youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
