she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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