Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize