also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
