Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
