I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
