wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
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