I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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