Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
