Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
