remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
