i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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