OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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