She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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