it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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