I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
