the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
