Me too!
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
