After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
