I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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