shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
