but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
