Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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