I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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