cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize