It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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