Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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