Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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