i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
