It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
