yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
