11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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