i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
