Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
