The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
