when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
