one two three fourrrrnication!
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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