I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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