I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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