pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize