Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
babies were throwing up all over the place
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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