Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
