u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
