he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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