Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
