There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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