I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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