he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
