Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
