What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
