The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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