You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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