weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
