A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
