I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
