Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
