i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
