Me. At least after what I've been through.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
