how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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