i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
