You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I want to fling myself into the sun
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
