I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
