tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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