Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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