he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
