remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize