I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
