I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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