Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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