why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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