She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
