I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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