somebody snuck up and got me drunk
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
