Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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