I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
