Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
