We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
