I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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