I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
